I always thought one of my best achievements in rj was the ability to keep my sanity despite all those crazy frenzy around me but apparently not.
currently detached from my class. Or rather, I have no idea myself. School feels different all over again.
Dropping fm makes me damn detached physically and emotionally. wondering around aimlessly in the school library or sitting alone studying makes me feel damn out of place. So is consistently appearing outside the staffroom. I think I can apply for PR there. I think I'm not concentrating too well on my studies. Or else why would I have the time and energy to think about these "not so impt" stuff.
Felt rather touched during assembly and PE today. The VP n my PE teacher have so kindly reminded us to let go when we feel too stretched. To remember that life is not just about books, we need to eat, sleep and exercise too. Drinking too much chicken essence, energy drinks and coffee/tea is BAD for health. So is lack of rest (duh!). However, a thought just cross my mind. If life's not just about books, then what's life for me now? Somebody please enlighten me.
Another one of those sian sian post. Argh.
-xin-
7:25 pm
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Sometimes I feel as though I'm in a showbiz. Everything's fake. I think I've just lost myself in this world.What I say doesn't reflect what I think. What I think may not even reflect what I believe. What I believe may not be what I feel and what I feel is not even reflected on my face. I'm bloody irritated by hell lot of people. and I do mean LOTS. I don't know what I'm doing these days. I can't stand being around people who can't cope with stress. Stop spreading those stress bugs around. It's fuckingly annoying. I may choose to ignore stuff but that doesn't mean it won't get to me. I'm not even enlightened for goodness sake. I just have no idea who to share those stuff with. Being happy everyday is goddamn tiring. Am I even REALLY happy? So sick n tired of all that serious stuff that's going around and making a stupid joke out of everything like some immature clown. I have no idea what's going on with my life. I can't even love myself. To think I just told someone not long ago "U gotta learn to love urself before others can love u". I absolutely cannot stand my behaviour now. There's no place for me to release that rubbish within me because I'm supposed to be a young adult now. To make things worse, I shun away from people when I'm depressed and then I'll feel unloved. What rubbish is this?! I never knew how to tell people what are my problems exactly and how do I feel. I've somehow trapped myself behind the wall that I've built. I wanna break open my brain and see exactly what's going on in the puny brain of mine. Don't even talk about the heart, I don't think I have one. I feel like some idiot when I get annoyed by people. I get even more upset when people give me that "why are you behaving this way" look. I'm totally oppressed, repressed, suppressed and definitely depressed. I'm not some rebel but can't I just stop being nice and good. Why must I even think about others for everything that I do. Why can't people think for themselves too. Yar and when people ask me, "who has not offended u yet?" with that amused face, half the time I just wanna slap their faces. When I'm piss, I'm piss. Don't test water and joke about it.Life is totally showbiz like these days. Patronising people whom I don't even wanna look at. Listening to stuff that I don't even wanna know. Making casual yet unsincere conversation is NOT my thing. I don't even wanna xu1 han2 wen4 nuan3 with people I couldn't be bothered with. Concern about people who couldn't even be bothered with you or just indulging in self-pity or just plain dumb. I'm sick of the guessing game and the competition too. I just want THE friends. At this rate, I think may end up friendless soon.Not mugging today. Sick of it. Just wanna be left alone or praying that some of my better friends will call me to go out. Get me out of here. Actually the stuff that I wanna do are just read (novels, not notes), shop online, watch vcd, play the piano, go kbox and sing my lungs out, BADMINTON! or just sleep. Even playing squash sounds alot better than study, go sch.
-xin-
2:50 pm
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I've changed. I've attained enlightenment. Zen... woohoo!P.S: Everybody must go listen to S.H.E's new song!!! I don't really care if u can see the mtv but u MUST go listen to the song =)
-xin-
10:06 pm
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I'm throwing tantrum... hmph. Do Not Disturb.
-xin-
3:10 pm
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ok la. I just wanna post this up 'cause I really like the song =)
-xin-
4:09 pm
It's amazing how a day can get worse when u already thought it was bad enough. Yup. I'm so amazed that the only thing I could do was laugh (and cry) it off. As pessimistic as I am, sometimes the teeny optimist in me can surprise me and make me feel so much better for e rest of the day. It felt so ridiculous and dramatic that I ended up crying and laughing. No matter how bad the day has been so far, prepare for more and u'll realised how ridiculously funny it can turn out to be =)First heard this song when I was in my bro's room, secretly using his notebook. Then got a pleasant surprise and saw the video on shao's blog. Think it can be the theme song of today for me. So shall put it down. It's nice to put up mtv on e blog. Takes up space... lol
-xin-
3:47 pm
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