I've been thinking about lotsa stuff lately (haven I been always). Like wat's my ambition, who r my frans, am I really anti-social, do I regret choosing rj... blah blah blah.
Firstly, wat's my ambition? No idea. I just take things at my own stride. Like I never thought I'll choose this mathsy combi but in the end I did. Never did I see myself wearing the stupid green skirt but I am now. I wanted to go hc, take up LEP (chinese), den maybe go be some journalist or writer or something (I used to be very proud of my zuo wens alright!) But now, I'm taking this er xin double maths, phy, econs combination. It's not really tt bad actually other then physics cause I dun mind maths and econs' quite interesting. Many asked if I'm going to be some engineer or something related but I dun think so? I really CANNOT relate to physics. It's not for me. Haiya... at most I end up being maths teacher la, send all ur children to me n I'll make them SUFFER! hahahahahahahah! Maybe I'll end up being a movie director, a pilot, a popular celebrity, a tai-tai *woosh!* or maybe a pianist... I'm dreaming again...
Let's leave the franz part last la... Hmm... Do I regret choosing RJ? actually yes n no. Yes cause I would have gone to hc and see pple I can relate to like JIAYIN! I miss her loads la! like today got GP common test den were supposed to sit according to index. Haiya, wanted to cry cause I miss seeing her backview and her turning around so that we can yak yak yak away. Then there's yiyou! I think if I dun see her anytime soon, we'll end up at strangers... I miss doing pw with her, travelling all the way down to clementi on 165 just for pw and each session ended up with everyone pissing each other off. Also can see my ex-classmates like Eddie, naga, jingyi... sian ah! I miss everyone. Then I think
I dun miss AJ tt much cause PE there is SIAO! But I do miss some of the pe teachers, they're extremely nice like Ms. Ong! she rox! I just miss the OG n my class plus pple whom I've met along the way during cca times. Even those whom I've only spoken to like once or twice. I miss mdm woon n ms bok! I especially miss the econs period where Mdm woon n xavier will argue over some concepts. funny! I think I need a xavier in my class but I think he'll DIE in it. LOL. I miss phyllis too! so long nv see her le! must call her up one day before she mugs like crazy during the holiday. I even miss akshay la for gdness sake, I think there's something wrong with me. But I guess I was happy during 1st 3 months, felt like home. Can't blame me if I'm pro AJ la. Though building looks as though it's going to collapse anytime, it still felt like home.
On the other hand, I didn't regret choosing RJ cause got Cathy with me! plus xiutang, huilian, val, grace, xx! Though xx is doing her disappearing act once again. RJ is a very erm... conducive environment la, gd facilities plus it's so near my house. I mean I hafta admit I didn't really make the effort to go hang out with the class resulting in my small pathetic group of friends so there's really no one I can blame. And I really like the library... I feel "safe" in it... hahah. Plus I kinda like some of the pple whom I met though there are OBVIOUSLY SOME whom I can't stand at all.
Who are my friends ma... I dun really wanna think about it. I mean, no point tryin to figure out wat everyone's thinking, I wun ever come to a concrete conclusion one la. So everyone's my friend and same philosophy everytime. If u're nice to me, I'm nice to u. If u're NOT, den I'm sorry I hafta treat u tt way. =P I dun think I'm tt anti-social lor. I'm sociable in ny n aJ, just not in rj. I can feel that tension and pressure around in school la, the type tt'll make u feel like hiding in the corner, away from everyone. It's quite gross actually. Everyone's too perfect there, it's WEIRD. I guess just eh... wait n see ba.
I have this feeling I keep blogging on the same stuff... Hmm. Fine, shall try not to blog about school. I think pms is coming... coming... coming...
-xin-
you sing!
9:11 pm
---++---
Monday, May 23, 2005
Sobsobsob...
Was on my way to Esplande for AJC Symphonic Band n Chinese Orchestra concert when I saw a mom slapping her young daughter on the escalator down to the mrt platform. The girl looks about nine or ten? *my estimation of age sux* Anyway, the mother ah, looks super piss while the daughter's face was red and tear stained la. Being the usual kpo me, i tried to eavesdrop on their conversation.
mom: tell u to go home, still say five mins, five mins. Don't wanna go out home izzit? Want me slap you again?
daughter: sob sob
mom: cry wat cry?
older daugher: dun scold le la.
mom: already give her extra ten mins, still dun wanna go home. How you expect me to compromise? Next time, let her stay outside and dun bring her back.
Through the whole "scolding session", the young girl was just facing the entry door, trying to hide her face. This whole thingy sorta reminded me of myself when I was young. Everytime my mom brings me out, I'll wanna stay out for as long as possible but my mom, being the very lazy mother, will wanna go home as soon as it's time for dinner. (u noe la... save money if eat at home ma) Den I will say dun want, she'll say must, I'll throw tantrum and...........
KABOOM! she's pissed. and the above conversation would be played (except the part of older sister)
I'm beginning to wonder did someone teach them to say those stuff, I mean... it seems as though all parents will say the same stuff. Anyway, tt's not the main point. The thing is tt, when I'm much younger, or even now... whenever I cry, I'll try to hide my face or somehow not let people noe tt my pearly tears are dropping. However, from yesterday's incident, I realised... PLEASE LA. pple got eyes one lor. It's difficult to avoid letting ppl noe u're crying unless u go hide urself in a room alone. I think girls care about their pride too. I mean, though they do often cry (due to being more emotional den guys), they'll try to avoid crying in public or at least crying out loud or the most classic one tt's used by almost everyone
"I'm alright, not crying. just things got into my eyes" Yayaya...
There's this saying "nan2 ren2 you3 lei4 bu4 qing1 tan2" but these days, girls just doesn't like to cry. Everyone will only cry at home, in their room, in the toilet, when bathing... just prefer to cry alone. Even guys. I believe guys do cry lor... I dun believe tt they dun have tear glands. Hmmm... so wat's the whole pt? I forgot. I guess it's something like eh... crying = being weak? NO IT'S NOT! There's nothing wrong with crying, I luv to cry once a month (when I'm pmsing la... I'm not some siao za bor tt cries whenever I'm shuang) It helps to release frustration lor.
Crying is a form of gesture to show ur feelings, to show that u're upset, unhappy, disappointed, frustrated, depress or maybe u're overjoyed, relieved. I hate it when my mom say "dun cry until it seems as though someone died in the family" wah lau! who says we can only cry when someone pass away. People cry when watching touching movies, people cry when they received the desired results after tons of hardwork and I will cry even when I'm super hungry or in pain, not great pain but just pain. Haiya, so I'm a crybaby... SO? No one say u can't cry after reaching a certain age lor. But please do not hold crying sessions in schs cause tt's BIAN TAI!
Once again... there's nothing wrong with crying, it's ABSOLUTELY ALRIGHT to cry. And for now, I shall go cry over my unfortunate fate of being sick durin the long wkend. (P.S: I almost died in bed on sat frm fever, please send ur flowers and "get well soon" cards to my house asap. Tasty fruits are fine too... LOL!)
-xin-
you sing!
2:27 pm
---++---
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Being me.
No one's perfect. I'm NO exception.
1) I'm NOT SMART 2) I luv to slack! I only mug in e morning cause I hate mugging at home. 3) I'm NOT NICE! I'm MEAN, sarcastic, harsh, dao... watever 4) I'm anti-social! YES I AM... I'm not shy, it's the anti-socialness in me 5) I luv to gossip. I dun care. 6) I swear. YES I DO. GOD DAMMIT 7) I'm NOISY! I luv to ramble on n on n on n on n on........... 8) I'm bu yao lian. TO A LARGE EXTENT 9) I'm a BAD girl. I smoke, I have a tattoo, I go clubbing, I take drugs... okie okie... those aren't true. I'm still guai 10) I'm just NOT the nice girl tt u all think I am. Neither am I weird alright. I do have a life which does not consist of school only.
You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.
Just the day b4 during morning assembly, was standing beside this "prestigious" trip science class. The National Anthem started playing, voices rang high in the sky.
Suddenly! Giggling could be heard among the angelic voices of the Rafflesians *Not exactly angelic but just trying to act cheem* Eyes narrowed to the source of the giggles. Was some dumb guy.
After the National Anthem ended, I heard........
Dumb Guy: "Haha! So old already still sing the National Anthem."
Me (Thinking): DAMN YOU!
Five mins later... the RJ Harmonica went up to advertise for their concert. Nice harmonica tunes could be heard frm the speakers. I repeat... it's NICE, maybe not perfect but nice. Again, someone has to spoil the atmosphere.
Dumb Guy: "OMG! That was soooooo Chine-NAaAAAa!"
Classmate of Dumb Guy: "Cheena la..."
D.G: "Nope, it's Chine-NAaAaa. Yucks."
Classmates of Dumb Guy: "Hahahahaha"
Me (Thinking again): Damn all of u. Screw YOU (D.G) especially!
WTH is with this damn sch lor, or rather with 1/2 of Singapore. Labelling stuff as cheena or rather chine-NAAAAA. It's rude u noe. I can't help it if I'm proud of my roots n being a CHINESE. No matter wat alright, u're chinese urself too. So glamourous to be some potato izzit? Ppl r born ABCs but u? Please la... 100% chinese guy lor. (I'm currently pinpointing at Dumb Guy)
Saw him on stage today trying to get pple to vote for him to be in House Committee. DREAM ON F**KER! Den trying to act cool... act popular... act nice. TMD. 'Cause got this guy say, "Do vote for me blah blah blah House Com for Bayley"
"It's Bayley-WADDLE" girl audience spoke. (Cause bayley's RI's principal while waddle's rgs')
D.G: "Remember to vote for me blah blah blah bayley-WADDLE!" (pts at the guy b4 and sneered)
OMG LA. THAT WAS SO TMD LOR!!!
Back to the cheena stuff. Wat's wrong with being more comfortable with speaking chinese, listening to mandopop, reading chinese bks, watching chinese movies,etc? Wat's the PROBLEM?! Wat's so great abt English? English sounds cheem izzit? Den why izzit tt half of u complain tt Chinese language is DIFFICULT to grasp?! WTH. I can speak English AND mandarin. That's the whole point of the education system in sg rite? being bilingual? Wat's with the slang that 2/3 of those pple are trying to fake? Admit it la. Speaking standard English is gd but u absolutely have NO NEED for that slang rite?
Yar and I simply luv listening to u guys speak mandarin. WOOHOO! Laugh my head off!I mean it lor. I DESPISE those who just REFUSES to speak mandarin. I admit it alright, my English kinda suck but SO?! I still speak English in school, at home, when I'm out. I dun shun away~ plus I still believe my Mandarin's alright. I'm not effectively bilingual but I'm PROUD to say I can SPEAK BOTH languages. PLUS HOKKIEN! Hmph. Nothing wrong with noeing dialect k, I noe my roots =P Unlike some who are trying to grab the roots of the ANGMOHS. freaks.
YaY! I'm frm cheena sch (NyGh). SO?! I have BETTER ATTITUDE den most of those frm some PRESTIGIOUS top of the world Institution. I only criticize those ACT angmoh, act cool, act popular, act chio blah blah. I dun behave as though I own the world with tt stupid haughty look on my face. I may look dao but I dun have my nose high up in the air. Who cares abt u being in an english sch lor. WHO CARES.
I'm not going one big round to say chinese is gd or I'm great or watsoever. (Though I luv to think so... lol) but if u're CHINESE, u know yellow skin, black hair n stuff (in case u forgot), pls STOP saying everything is cheena or chine-NAAAa or watever cause tt's plain RUDE.
If u refuse to acknowledge tt u're chinese, pls dun eat chinese food esp. the hor fun n fried rice stall 3, during breaks. Go queue the western food store nxt to it. Leave the chinese food to ppl like ME! Dun even think of queueing the Malay or Indian food stores cause those are for pple who enjoys living in a multi-racial society (like ME again... LOL, I luv prata n nasi lemak!) NOT FOR ANGMOH KIAS who wish to live in western society.
I wouldn't say I'm cheena cause tt's degrading myself but I'm CHINESE! Hmph! If I hear another word frm the Dumb Guy frm 1S03* which makes me bushuang, he'll DIE frm my killer yan3 shen2. DAMN HIM once again.
P.S: Throughout this whole entry, I've been very kind to not mention his name. However, if u're so curious, esp if u're frm rJ, u can ask me when u see me n I'll point him out. Once again, DAMN U asshole! (Feeling vulgar. lol. supposed to be doing my GP. HAhaha)
-xin-
you sing!
9:05 pm
---++---
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Astrological Weight at Birth
Your Astrological Weight at Birth is
Solar Birthdate = 22 Mar 1988 Lunar Birthdate = 5 Feb 1988
You are a good-hearted and intelligent person. Doing things efficiently will bring you to the attention of an influential person. Food and clothes in your life are yours by heaven luck. You do not need to work too hard to succeed. Place a wealth cat in the Southeast to bring you money luck. Also try to do some charity work to improve your store of good karma.
Being a traditional Chinese gal, I've always believed in these stuff. I'm superstitious. Even for horoscopes n stuff. I read the Chinese newspaper every week to check my horoscope. LOL but so far they've nv been really true. I think rite, EVERYONE needs a bit of fengshui, etc. to create a bit of luck ba.
Now I noe y I've no money luck.... cause I dun haf a wealth cat. Anyone care to spare one?
I think the topic on fengshui is actually very controversial ba... As wat my mother say, knowing tt u haf gd fengshui n luck, it brings peace to the mind and everything will go smoothly. So why not just believe in it?
I strongly believe that the other day when I was suey was due to bad karma so shall go do charity work asap. (Xinyu, if u're reading this... pls msg me to tell me when u're submitting the touch form den we can submit together under one email account. Yup!) Bad karma? Yes... cause I'm an EVIL gal! But lately, I've been guai ^_^
An entry tt's kinda rubbishy n makes no sense but it's pure entertainment for urs truly.
P.S: Today's Econs test was a HUGE disaster. DAMMIT. So was SPA. DAMMIT again. Why didn't I think of the fact tt I have to take tests which are of sky scraping standard when I chose this damn school.
-xin-
you sing!
1:47 pm
---++---
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
List of Exciting stuff to do
Things I need to do: 1. F Maths Tutorial B - 3D Trigonometry
2. F Maths Tutorial A - Curve Sketching
3. F Maths Revision Tutorial 1 - Functions, Graphs n Transformation (My "fav")
4. Physics Tutorials i) Forces ii) Dynamics iii) Work, Energy n Power
5. PW research (Go library...)
6. GP Application Question
7. Study for F Maths lecture test - Trigo, Summation, Mathematical Induction
8. Practise piano
9. Practise guitar
10. Econs TYS
11. Study for Econs lecture test (which I guess should be everything I've learnt so far?)
12. F Maths Assignment A6 - Applications of Differentiation
13. F Maths Assignment B5 - Mathematical Induction
14. PW journal (which is crap. why can't we just write whenever we feel like writing n not force us to write every week. I dun have THAT much thots n feelings)
15. GP Performance Task (Yay, I finally can speak during GP~)
Yar, those are the ONLY stuff I have to do today and tmr and the weekend. How nice... I so luv my busy life... I absolutely luv MATHS! screw maths... yucks. And dun blame the teachers, it's just me who kept procrastinating... (I realised RJ teachers do read their students' blogs. OMG! But I think somehow they can't link to mine... HAHAHAH!!!)
Wat am I still doing here? I have no idea.
I think I lack originality n creativity cause this entry is BORING n so NOT original...
-xin-
you sing!
2:49 pm
BLACK BLACK DAY!
Yesterday has gotta be one of my most unlucky day of my life... dammit.
1. I can't find my damn sch badge in the morning... which is like WTH. Just 'cause it's the long wkend, I hafta lose my badge. However, thank gdness Rushan has a spare one to lend me. Thanx alot man... u're my life saviour! Still, I consider it rather bad luck... not tt I forgot, it's cause the stupid badge decided to play hide n seek with me.
2. One of my spec lens hafta dropped out during maths lesson which is one lesson that I gotta use BOTH my sight n hearing so basically I was just acting as though I can see without my specs and listening attentively. WAH LAU EH! in the middle of maths la... not b4 or after... TMD TMD TMD! den so paiseh. I guess half of those who r reading this is already laughing away... yar yar yar. One gd thing is tt maths was the last lesson. Was wondering if I wanna go for physics make up but I guess my specs have decided for me.
3. After the specs incident, wanted to call my dad to come bring me home. Can't expect me to cross those traffic junctions half blind rite? BUT! he wasn't in. Fine, so I decided to take a bus but the bus company apparently got something against me. 410 is DAMN F***ING slow la... waited for around 10 mins but no bus in sight. Hence decided to just walk... at most use my FEELINGS to feel whether I can cross the road or not. Ya, once I stepped out of my beloved sheltered bus stop, it started raining. SUEY SUEY SUEY! tt's not all. Cause I can't really see the traffic lights, though I could sort of make out the colours, I started walking only when the cars went off... den apparently I think I can't walk in a st. line or something, one car honked, den the nxt and almost got hit by bus when crossing zebra crossing. HELLO?!?! u're SUPPOSED to wait for pedestrians to cross first?! And the moment I reached my block's void deck, the rain stopped. so fun rite...
Yesterday was definitely the worst day of 2005 so far. I wonder how it could get any worse. Shouldn't have gone to sch. Plus Cathy was sick yesterday... den so loner... pathetic. I think my parents n ah ma very kelian cause I was complaining NON-STOP yup. U noe, once I open my mouth, I can't stop (at least out of school tt is). SorrY~~
That was the recount of my wonderful day. Why didn't anyone warn me tt yesterday was bad luck? ARGH!
"Took leave" from sch today with the excuse of wanting to replenish my good luck. Yesterday was the last straw la, since today I end school at 12, might as well just u noe. Plus I think I'm pmsing... Needa get some control of myself first b4 I go bonkers.
I'm losing control of my life... I'm just wasting time away... so fun... So as usual, needa take a day break from everything and just stay in my room, do what I wanna do and hopefully, tmr I'll be refresh AND filled with GOOD luck. I needa be in control of my own self man... I hate the feeling of just knowing there's LOTSA stuff to do but lack of self-discipline. Dun ask me what I did during the labour day wkend, ppl r bound to scold me. Also, I wanna stay away from ppl cause I need peace n quiet... like u noe, bi4 men2 xiu1 lian4... LOL
Back to yesterday, during PW, I think my grp's not bad la... at least lao3 da4 is making the effort to know wat we're doing and everyone else is cooperative enough. Yup, plus my PW teacher thinks our idea is GOOD! YAY! I think it's gd too but the amount of research we gotta do is like TONS plus there's alot of analysis on our part, not just reading... so different from pri n sec schs. And with Lehui in the group ah, I think we'll be SUPER organised n focused la~ also a statement I heard yesterday motivated me to work very hard for PW so as to show tt SOMEONE tt my PW grp is NOT pathetic lor!! *cursing* Can't stand the way tt person bosses him/her grp around... super irritating but it's kinda fun to see how he/she exasperated she can get when no one can be bothered with her. HAH! Quoted frm MYSELF, "If I'm in the same grp as *beep*, I wun live to see the end of my project" *beep* is THAT bad to work with, nothing about his/her character, he/she just SHOULDN'T work in a grp, he/she will traumatise his/her members.
Heh... changed my blogskin AGAIN... Bored la... and realised can't seem to put this pooh thingy anywhere. Thus shall add it as a new post. I luv pooh!!
-xin-
you sing!
8:43 pm
Positive Outlook
haPpY LaBouR daY! oh ya, is it Mother's Day today? hmm... shld be right since it's supposed to be like the first sunday of May or something... So anyway, Happy Mother's Day as well to those mummys and potential mothers~ hahah
Went shopping yesterday, wasted my saturday but bought a Fuji (frm Prince of Tennis) keychain and something frm the capsule machine. Super cute~~~ hahah. Sian la... I'm 100% mugger, I'm thinking of sch work 24/7... and I can't shop in peace without thinking abt all the stuff that I have to do. TMD! Sick sick sick! I wonder if man n sz can feel it too. Maybe they can't stand me too... LOL
Were at expo that night watching David Tao's mini concert... last minute decision... didn't want to go cause it's so goddamn far but went in the end. Not bad la, I luv his singing! but went off after he sang 3 songs cause was super late. Took cab home and I swear that's the last time I'm going to take a cab home frm somewhere so far. it's EXPENSIVE LA!!!!!!! SO BLOODY EXPENSIVE!!! the cab is one transportation not suitable for pin2 min2 like me. I will always take the train/bus or walk regardless of how tired I am frm now onwards. My heart jumped with the meter man. I can just close my eyes for few seconds and when I nxt open them, the meter has jumped half a dollar. Sian... now I'm broke again. AGAIN! I can't manage money la!!! irritating!
It's 1st of May... spent a month plus with my beloved 1S02B... Sense of belonging is still negligible... sense of belonging to the school is even worse but I guess that's the up n down of life. The class' having a class outing tmr but wun be able to make it since I guess I rather spend it at home studying for my test nxt k. No time to study la... everyday go home will drop dead on e bed one... esp since Tue got make up, wed has cca, thurs is e test. Ya.... BleaH. Just 2 add on, my class has a big-headed idiot!!!! shan't reveal who but he/she is really irritating the hell out of me and I'll try to diao him/her whenever possible. HAH!!!! who cares.
Something quite personal now. Back to yesterday, I was just telling my 2 franz that I feel tt xx is changing into maybe stereotypical Rafflesian... so conclusion, I'm beginning to tao3 yan4 ta1. However rite, I think it's not la... it cause I can't stand the cold n aloof Raffles that I stereotyped her. Been thinking about stuff alot. Maybe it's cause due to my indifference that things seem that bad... and I think i'm super reliable on xx? Cause I can tell her more stuff den I cant tell most pple ba. Whatever... will learn to feel MORE! like last time where I can openly say out wat I really really feel. Yup. Maybe problems just lie with me so shall try to change. If situation still doesn't change for the better ah, I'll go back to the heck care life that I'm sort of living now ba... hehe... changing into a more positive, optimistic attitude^_^
Wanted to run for house committee to make my life better suited to RJ but then I realised I can't stand all the campaigning stuff n if I dun campaign, who will noe I exist? Hence, didn't nominate myself. (if ppl nominate me ah, pigs will fly and I can speak Spanish) Plus, chances of getting in is damn slim la... since sch's kinda political~ ya but I think I'll prefer this house thingy den the council campaign thingy... plus I like my house! Bayley-Waddle! Cause house colour is yellow ma, my fav plus those tt I noe in my house r NICE! yay!
Lotsa stuff to do over this long wkend but I'm still NOT doing anything which is BAD BAD BAD! haiya, I'm all talk no action la... bleah =P
-xin-
you sing!
1:02 pm
---++---
::This is Me::++
I'm yx. Have suffered through education system in top premier "cheena", "bratty" schools and currently undergoing further intense suffering in rjc.
I'm 18 (finally)! I've frequent mood swings and I'm a dangerous girl.
My hobby is to plot against people =) Talent I've learnt some time in my life.
I'm a group person. Means I CANNOT survive alone.
Let me announce to the world that I'm in luv with movies, jap food, music, myself (duh!) and many many more.
BUT! I absolutely detest snobs. insensitivity. unhealthy competition. restrictions. lizards. YOU! (just kidding)
I realised... I need a wishlist! Anyway...
1. New hp
2. Bags
3. Life
4. that my depression will go away
5. Go Japan! go Japan!
6. NANA Illustrated book
7. BIG eyes
