Seems as though everyone's pms-ing these days. BUT! I'm seriously PMS-ING! Like the cramps r here, the irritating feeling's here plus the period is here. Yar. I'm IRRITATED! PISS! AGITATED! I'm on the verge to screw some ppl just to make them shut up. I can feel the blood boiling whenever I hear ppl making insensitive, ignorant remarks as well as RANDOM COMMENTS. Those ARE NOT welcome when I'm PMS-ing. Those ppl OBVIOUSLY HAVE NOT seen me when I'm in a pms stage. WTH. I hate it when ppl shows off, I detest it even more that they think they are right all the time. I LOATHE IT WHEN THEY TURN OUT TO BE RIGHT! Why is there NO justice in this world? Why is it that elitists are snobs? You may not notice it, but I feel it! WAH LAU! Is there any second when you DO NOT think tt u're GOOD? Where's ur MODESTY?!?!?!?! And I cannot imagine these ppl becoming the future leaders of Singapore. I worry for the future of the country.
I can't stand it when ppl come up to me saying the same things for like at least 5 times (seriously) and those aren't even like IMPORTANT stuff. KNS. KAO BEI MAN! And I dun like it when they think speaking hokkien is crude. WTH. DISCRIMINATION! So what if I can't speak the nice teochew, sophisticated Cantonese? I can only speak Hokkien la. So? And I like to speak chinese la so? I can speak English as well wat. So wat if my vocab isn't all that fantastic? SO? I dun speak the perfect English like u guys LA but I like wat. Not as though I write my GP essay in Singlish. F***.
I know those ppl I met in THE college are mostly nice la but can they NOT have those stupid guidelines/criterias on judging ppl? So wat if I'm NOT chio, NOT smart, NOT hardworking enough, NOT funny, NOT sporty, NOT tall, NOT hip, NOT cool? Geez. We're in a SCHOOL leh. Not social gathering. ~_~ And before these ppl judge others, look @ themselves. I'm bloody piss la.
WO3 TAO3 YAN4 REN2 JIA1 YONG4 YOU3 SE4 YAN3 JING4 KAN4 BIE2 REN2! [dun understand? pls consult professor ang (me!) who's the expert in chinese =)] FREAKS! I'm weird la, I'm weird la.
Oh yar, the other day, I wanted to commit suicide. I think I'm becoming psycho. Not cause I stress, but because I just wanna see wat will happen if I get into a car accident. Will I die? Will I survive? But due to the fact that I'm still sane, hence I'm still alive here updating my dearest blog a.k.a bitching board. Kinda scary right the things that go through my head. Don't worry! I'm not to the extent of doing stupid stuff. I luv myself enough and there's still lotsa things I wanna do.
P.S: My current form of motivation for studying has become my dear classmate, Wesley Lye. His words keep ringing in my head. HELP!
-xin-
9:16 pm
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I had a weird dream last night.
I dreamt of my primary school days, where we were playing at the giant steps. We sat down, basically it's just me, rs, man, jy and the twins, to talk. Then the conversation ended up about our ambitions. When it was my turn, I turned mute. As in I couldn't talk at all, nothing came out of my mouth. Other classmates came over and everyone had a clear idea of what they going to do in the future but I was just sitting there being the dumb me.
Ok, because I slept for so damn long, had another dream but shan't talk about tt, irrelevant.
I think this is so weird. I guess it's because the future seems too gloomy for me tt I've been thinking about it too much. I dunno wat I wanna study, where I'm going to study. Actually I wanna go Switzerland but apparently I dun really wanna study business which is wat's offered there. I wanna go NUS, cause there's hostel rooms with air conditioning but guess tt's a stupid reason, ppl took it as a joke when I told them this. Studying in Japan sounds cool but I think it's out of the qn. Don't even take Jap. Going to UK is near impossible. No interest in U.S or China. Aussie is a place for HOL! not studies. NZ... hmm... dun wanna end up like eh... we noe.
Haiya, I think my path has been planned out too nicely tt now when it's time to make a decision, I can't. Actually, the chances of getting a scholarship is also like damn slim la. I would think of people in my class, in the school. I feel so inferior. Plus gotta go through those damn interviews which I'm damn lousy at but ppl assumed otherwise. If I dun get a scholarship, I'll definitely have to stay in Singapore to study, which is not a bad thing but now is like the best age to venture out to see the outside world. We're too kept up in this nice, cosy cage of ours tt we often dunno wat's going on outside. Most of our info came from secondary sources which we are unable to judge its credibility.
My grandma tells me tt if I can study in sg, I should just stay cause my parents can't afford to send me overseas. Sad... And I can't possibly earn money to pay for my sch fees cause being just an O-Level cert holder, jobs don't exactly pay enough to let me go overseas.
Haiya, sometimes I dun even think I deserved to go those top stupid, premier schools cause I'm just this lazy pig who laze around all day and only mug when the fire is near. No, I'm not implying I'm smart... I study in the correct manner when time draws near. Argh. watever, I'm trying not to sound arrogant. So conclusion for now is tt, just mug for promos, get promoted then talk abt those nitty gritty stuff later. I wonder how my friends in AJ are doing, sure ok la... they so hardworking. Plus phyllis too. Tt smart, diligent girl.
Actually I should start planning for dec hol already. Yar, maybe tt will motivate me to study harder.
-xin-
10:11 am
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Just came back from a scrumptious dinner at Railway Chinese Restaurant. Food is nice! Scallop rox! WooHoo! and I ate Mango Chicken... but I prefer lemon chicken. Sweet food is WEIRD la. I mean cooked food tt's sweet. I'm a sour person I guess... awwww. and no, I'm NOT pregnant.
Found out something. Chatting online is weird. It's like I mostly chat with people I'm comfortable around with, who are usually the ones I see often. So wat's the point of having over 100 people on my chat list when I usually only chat with maybe 3? This messenger thingy is for people to like keep in touch but sometimes, it's like just weird to say "hi" online when in actual fact, we couldn't be bothered to greet each other in person. And I hate it when a conversation starts with a "hi" and ends up with "XXX is appearing offline and may not reply" A conversation must be you2 shi3 you3 zhong1. TMD
On the other hand, it works the other way too. I can dun talk to someone at all in person but ended up chatting into the night online. So this feeling is like totally weird. Like when I thought we were a step closer to being friends, the REAL relationship is still the same as before. Back to the hi-bye type. Strange.
Understand or not ah? Not really coherent right? Nvm. Excuse my poor English.
Btw, I realised (rather long ago)... I can't have eye contact with people. I shy la... wat to do. Sad right? I just find it weird... no... there's no electrifying feeling. (Only one guy managed to do tt but god knows where he is now. Dun even noe him.) I just cannot make myself have eye contact la, I'll have this uncomfortable feeling. argH. WATEVER! Dun try to look into my eyes, I'll get scared =X
-xin-
8:51 pm
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I NEED TO GO K BOX!!!!I'm so desperate I even offered to treat XX. For the 5 hours session which cost around $15. But didn't go in e end.Because of this stupid desperation, I went through a roller coaster ride of emotions. And I wanna go with shao! cause very "smooth" HahahahaAnyway, note to self. I can go wherever I want after 7 Oct. It's just a month and a few days more. Start mugging! Mug the ass off! STUDY!!! Then play like siao! Camp overnight @ KBox also can. So... STUDY!
-xin-
2:03 pm
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Yesterday I heard frm shao tt she couldn't be bothered to read my previous post on Aries. Xx and man too. WTH. the 2 I understand but SHAO?!?! lazy bum. at least I updated.
Went out with the usual 3 in the afternoon. Realised I dun really share the taste with them when it comes to movies. Wanted to watch March of the Penguins but they dun want. The maid too... WAH LAU. why lydat?!?!?!?! So we ended up talking rubbish, suaning xx and walking around Orchard aimlessly. Saw LOTS of rj ppl but have no idea who are they. Then saw a few ex-ny gals. Yeah...
Then I went off to Yew Tee for some BBQ organised by my old CCA. Supposed to meet @ 6. I reached @ 6.10. Only 4 turned up then. Waited ALL THE WAY until 6.40 -.- I hate it when ppl are damn late la. To think I was so guilty for turning up late.... argh
Anyway, it was good to see yishu, yihui and the juniors. Realised got huge gap between us and the sec1s. Too bad la... we old already... Then I started calling Yihui "zhi zhang lao ren" (Retarded elderly) for I-forgot-wat-reason. At first was trying to BBQ marshmallow but gave up cause too many ppl at the pit. Went to function room, ended up playing UNO which I guess half of us have already forgotten how to play. Wanted to play daidee but no poker cards. UNO was fun! cause kept putting all the "draw" cards and poor Yilina... LOL and I won twice!! HAH HAH! Then we finally moved on to Daidee when someone brought in the poker cards. WOOHOO! Fun but I realised all our brains worked kinda slowly cause we sort of forgot how to play and ended up mixing up UNO with daidee. Were laughing non-stop during the game and had no idea wat's going on.
Someone brought Jolly Shandy and some ppl actually got sort of "high"... hahah esp a sec one which I've already forgotten the name... paiseh la. We just ended up talking about boliao stuff like scaring them about JC life, complaining about ny physics, how we all become shu nu upon entering JC and how some guys can seem so despo, etc. It was fun! Seems like old times... I miss all-girls school... Awww. But I think the next time I get to see this bunch of ppl will be quite long after plus the current Sec4 batch gonna graduate soon so if my batch goes back, then it'll be kinda weird. So touched to see them so bonded... actually I think it's just few of us... hahah. I miss cca times. Sigh
I realised until now, I haven realised my mission to become a shu nu. HOW?!?!?! Irritating. Must jiayou jiayou jiayou! and xx, stop suaning me. I CAN become a shu nu one k!
Going off to study later... promos' in less than a month. KNS KNS KNS KNS
Good luck ppl! Study hard
P.S: It's HOL!!!!!!!! YES YES YES YES YES!!!! tt means I dun needa see some ppl!!!! YAY YAY YAY YAY! I'm going mad
-xin-
11:21 am
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