hi to e world.
im not a demure gal. .
hv been trying hard to be nice tho!
my eyes dun roll tt much nowadays. (they're itching to tho)
I LOVE SWEARING.
pple shld juz stop acting like they're angels. (when they apparently are not)
i hate muggers too. (oh im a mugger too. i meant ABNORMAL hardcore muggers, sorry.)
10 WEEKS are a freaking LONG way to promos, so stop telling me tt promos are coming. cant you count you assholes? 10 WEEKS LEH. 10 WEEKS=2 MTHS + 2 MORE WEEKS.
stop trying to stress me out la u idiots. juz shuddup n mug quietly if u wan. juz dun lemme hear u.
dun like me? TOO BAD.
lalalala.
-xin-
9:39 pm
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Never in my life has I been so angry with myself. I'm just not the same Yu Xin anymore. I dun lose my temper anymore, I just ren3 qi4 tun1 shen1 for everything now. When ppl irritate me, I just smile and pretends nothing happened. What is WRONG with me?! I everything also pretend it doesn't affect me. I still got dao face but it's just cause I'm sian. Everything is so stagnant. The pace of life is so fast, I feel as though I'm still standing at the same spot even though I've moved thousands of steps.
Can u guys (my franz ah... those who noe me well) imagine me not being sarcastic for one day? I've NOT been sarcastic for a very long. Only to those I'm close with or rather comfortable with. SAD LIFE. I'm just this very quiet, introvert gal... Ya. I can't even roll my eyes properly. Ya... I'm a well-mannered child. Thank u =X I miss being lame, high, crazy, slack. I can't even be slack!!!! KNS! Pple keep reminding me there's NOT MUCH time to promos. OKAY! FINE! I know I did badly for CTs and needa buck up but SHUT UP ALRIGHT! There's TEN MORE WEEKS. KNS. I wish I wish I could turn back time and rechoose the school I wanna go to or rather change my subject combination.
Went back to nyps today for some PW interviews. Saw couple of hc ppl. Wanted to cry. I could be there instead of where I am now. Then I thought of my pri sch class. As bad as those days were, I really miss 6I. I miss the guys, the gals, the weird, the fun, the good and the bad. I suddenly thot how nice it would be if the guys were in my class. But then again, they could have changed and I wouldn't know.
School life's boring these days. Don't even have shuai ge to look at. Nothing to look forward to in school. I need the motivation. I'm a normal girl, I still like guys as critical as I am. I enjoy the feeling of nervousness when I see a guy I like... but I have no feeling now. Lalalala... Whatever. Guess I'm going back to wallow in self-pity. Good bye. My heart feels so old.
-xin-
10:32 pm
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Told myself I should blog once I've gotten back all my results... but GP will have to wait until after 25th so watever. Finally got back my physics result today. Well... didn't expect much. Got an O. Hence, my beloved results are COOO, which is C for econs la. Failed both maths -.- And no, it's not cause the paper is difficult or the marking is strict. I bet at least 1/3 the cohort scored A for Maths 9233. And I got F for F maths at first but the teachers were kind enough to add 1% to everyone's mark. And I only need 0.3% to pass Maths. Yup... I'm feeling depressed. Rather helpless as well. I so wanna cry!!! pple come pity me... just kiddingWhen I saw my physics result, got tt urge to cry. Not because I failed physics but just cause I realised that Science is really not my forte. I'm not following in class especially for vectors. Physics is definitely a gone case. Feel like giving up but I know I can't. I found out that when I'm depressed, things just keep coming into my mind and I'll feel worse. I can't cry in school. It just feel as though I'm NOT allowed to... arghhhh. I really should concentrate on my studies and STOP thinking about many other stuff... this is getting SOOOO irritating!!! I have no idea why I'm upset, it's not as though I've never fail before. I don't knowwwwww....Have no idea how to continue, hence shall go mug. or practise guitar (which is so damn difficult)
-xin-
7:36 pm
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Second entry for the day. Just wanna record what happened lately.
Changed of GP teacher, I miss Mr. Ali. Got Mrs. Uma Chong (cheong?) She's nice and interesting but I think Ali's more hip. LOL. Female teachers tend to be more naggy la [except for my physics teacher x)] And Mr. Ali has a better sense of humour. Hers are more lame... But I was rather amused by her reaction to that the fact that Bryan's from dance. Her eyes were the size of ping pong balls? Oh plus she's Indian who married a Chinese which I think is pretty cool. Mix blood children leh!
Got back my econs MCQ & DRQ, did rather alright with them. Just passed by physics mcq with a grand total of 16/30. Not bad right? I'm proud of myself actually... and here's to everyone: When in doubt, go for B! Will get back GP after 25th (GP teachers are damn slow la) and Maths maybe next week or the week after. Haiya maths sure fail one la. F maths and maths 9233 because Mr. Tan is damn strict with his marking and plus the fact that I didn't really know how to do the questions. And no comments for Physics. However, it's only common test... will mug harder (OH NO!)
PW's kinda stagnant now. I think temper hasn't been good these days and I just sort of ignore everything that comes to me. BUT! Up till now, I have not blow my top YET. Not bad rite?!?!?!
I realised that during GP these days, there's always this probability of linking the subject of discussion to Christianity. Being a non-Christian myself, I'm not very clear with what's going on with the Bible. HOWEVER!!! I'm not really interested in knowing the details of the Bible. Some stuff about Christianity are rather interesting but I would prefer it if some of my classmates would not argue everything by substantiating them with the Bible.
There's this part when my GP teacher brought up that her son asked where do the dinosaurs go after they died and a classmate said very firmly "They go to hell." And the reason was because dinosaurs did not believe in God. I was like "erm... how do u know?" But didn't voice it out. I don't really wanna have any argument about those Christianity stuff cause it's really sensitive and what I think is only my personal opinion. But I really do get offended when pple tell me that if I don't believe in Christian God, I'll go to hell... I totally have no idea on how to respond to that.
I'm totally fine with my own religion and has no intention of going to church and stuff. Furthermore, my parents will KILL ME. Yeah, so erm... I hope ppl will just stop saying "The Bible says this...", "God will help you...", etc to ME at least. I have this woman who comes every month just to talk to me about what the Bible says and I'm getting scared of her. I just pray that she doesn't tell me to go to her church one day. It's alright to tell me stuff regarding Christianity but don't preach, don't talk to me as though I'm Christian and don't tell me that everyone should believe in God. And I will not step into a church unnecessarily unless u're getting married in a church and you've invited me. Yeah
I'm not sure if I've offended anyone with stuff I wrote but those are just my own opinions. Yup, that's all. I'm perspiring in fear of ppl coming after me now. LOL
-xin-
2:53 pm
Been discussing about Science VS Moral Ethics during GP. There's always this case of scientific development is good but it all depends on who is the one dealing with it.
Everyone (esp those Beauty queens) hopes for world peace but it's only because we've been through so much such as terrorism, wars, etc. We yearn for world peace because we experienced the opposite. Dynamite was invented for a good cause but it turned out to create destruction. There's always a good and bad side of everything. You need to a balance of good and bad so as to cheer for the good and jeer at the bad.
We luv to live in place that's free of crime, fear, some place where we can experienced peace and comfort. Singapore's a country with law and order. How do we know that? By comparing it with other places (eg we dun see children holding guns and shooting pple's head off which happens in US). Our theft rates aren't that high as compared to some places. However, we often do take these things for granted cause we forget that other places do not experienced as much luxury as us. Though I as a student will always think that the constant reminder of us being lucky and taking things for granted is irritating. But sometimes it's true.
One thing I can't stand is that pple luvs to say "I hope for world peace. I want the world to live in peace." That's disgusting. What is world peace? You need destruction to show us what is peace. Just like the saying "you'll only know how to stand up when you fall" That's like so true. How do we define what is good? By knowing what is bad.
How do I know if I did well in this test? Only when there are people who did badly. How are the As and Bs given? By having the bell curve which shifts according to the performance at national level. Believe me, even if u scored 90+ marks in a test (which is highly impossible @ JC level) but everyone else scored 90 odd as well, then u won't think u did that well. There's a comparison going on here.
Don't assume something to be bad or good for you because you think so. There are always other factors to consider before you come to a conclusion. There's lotsa things going on around the world these days and I kinda think it's rather a good time to start reflecting about what I've been doing and moaning, groaning about. I guess I've been rather childish by complaining about school and stuff 'cause there are good things that are happening around me but I just continue to wallow in self-pity. Sad rite? I don't think so actually. I experienced the good and bad and I think it's pretty good.
No doubt, I will continue to hate and love but I'm starting to take things into my own stride and will continue to experience all those emotions each day. But at the end, I'll treat it as though it's part of the balance of life. You need happiness to balance sorrow you know. Just like sometimes I just wanna ask those enthu pple if there are days when they lost all their energy.I'm growing up everyday! I'm enlightened =) But I'll still bitch to my friends... lol
-xin-
2:09 pm
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