::Wo hen guai!::

Loss of Fun-loving Personality

Lately, I've been so in touch with school life that I'm totally losing the other part of me. I read somewhere that everyone has 2 different personalities. I think that's true. At least for me. The other day, xx told me that I've become a more serious person ever since I came to RJ. Well, I didn't realise it until she told me. Then when I thought about it, it seems kinda true.

These 2 weeks have been rather hectic. EOM, written report due, lotsa tutorials and tests, GP presentation as well. Plus feeling like a dead fish every single day the moment I reach home. Sleeping after 11.30 and waking up at 5 cause I can't sleep. I haven't been sleeping well lately, thinking about lotsa stuff. I have no idea what I'm doing, just doing and doing and doing. But I guess most of the time I'm spending time on PW. Pple's been telling me that I spend too much time on that but wat to do? We share the grade as a group. At least for the report part. No point dragging the rest down with my laziness. And some complications have occurred along the way and I seriously have no idea how to deal with them. Been putting stuff aside and procrastinating them whenever possible. I'm so into school life. Maybe that's why I'm more serious now.

I find it difficult to play and joke around, there's always something tt's restricting me. And ppl around me are more serious ba. Cause everyone has grown up. I dun have huilian, xiutang, xx, val, yiyou, mandy, sz, huiling, chinyee, xinyu to fool around with me anymore. Not even felicia & jiayin. I miss my crazy bunch of friends. The kind when we can just be sarcastic and joke around, making fun of one another, bitching about everything under the sun. I think it's the period of time again when I start missing my friends.

Yesterday wanted to ask xx/ mandy out but they both not free. Always so fated lydat, whenever I'm free, my friends aren't. I think I dun have the good luck. I'm not lucky like when I'm feeling down, there'll be someone who calls me up coincidentally for a chat or something. But I think it's all part of my life and I just gotta learn to deal with it.

I keep wanting to hold on to the past but it just keeps drifting further and further away from me. The busier I am, the more emotional I'll feel, from all the stress and stuff. The more I need my friends, the more they dun seem to be there. I'm not the type tt will cry and say "I wanna tell u my troubles!" I think main reason is that I seldom show my troubles directly and I dunno how to call for "help" but I can't expect ppl to be on standby 24 hrs each day just for me.

I dunno wat to do but as wat I'll usually do, take things one at a time. If I can overcome this, I can overcome everything else that follows. Promos are coming but I just feel like doing crazy before I seriously start studying. Just so to release all the rubbishy emotions that I'm feeling within me.

I'm so emotional that I dunno wat to do. DAMMIT! And I wanna learn how to swear in 7 different languages!

P.S: My PW mates (Lehui & Charles) have been rather supportive of the YuXin's Fund for the Poor & Needy. They promised to contribute 10 cents and 5 cents per day respectively. Such kind friends right?
-xin-
you sing!

5:48 pm

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